Two Under Two

*I started writing this a couple weeks ago and finally had a chance to finish it. I know there are probably tons of errors... But I have a baby sleeping on my chest and another one pulling my hair.

It's been a little over a month now since we welcomed our newest little beauty via Csection. I had so many concerns and fears about having a major surgery, 15month old, and a newborn. I would be lying if I said it has been easy, but I must say, it wasn't as bad as I braced myself for. I have been lucky enough to have an abundance of help and support. The hardest part of this journey, by far, was not being able to pick up my Brynne. There are not many things worse than your beautiful little girl tugging at your leg and reaching up to you for you to pick her up and you physically can't. My heart would break every time she wanted to be in my arms. I wanted to hold her so bad. Afterall, it had been just her and I all day every day for over a year. Our daily routines included many activities that required me to hold her... And suddenly they just stopped. She has done very well with it for the most part... It was me who had a hard time adjusting and accepting that it will be a few weeks until I can hold her again and that things will never be how they were. I must say though, seeing my two little beauties together makes my heart explode. Brynne is so sweet and affectionate with her little sis. She does give her the occasional whack, but for the most part, she is gentle and seems to love her.
Two under two is not easy...
Three things I have to remind myself of:
-This is only temporary.
            Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and cry. It's hard having 2 little babes. Brynne is very needy in different ways.
-It will get better.
             I look forward to when these two lovies will play together.
-I will want these times back one day.
              I look back at Brynnes early months and sob. Such special times that go by so fast.

Three things that have helped:
-repacking my diaper bag and changing stations every night.
         Makes leaving the house easier and let me tell you... It's not easy to leave the house.
-getting out of the house early... Just do it.
        It's not always easy, but I feel so much better and it helps break up the day. Plan and prep for it the night before.
-ask for help.
         It truly takes a village. It's ok to need help. Everyone does.

Three things that have been most challenging:
-nursing the baby/pumping.
          Holly loves being held and Brynne loves mamas attention. I have Brynne sit near me when I nurse Holly and we flip through books with one hand.
-actually getting out of the house.
           If your diaper bag is ready, it's one less thing to do.... But either way... It takes a while.
-keeping the house in tact.
           It's going to be messy. I've learned to accept it. We have a cleaning lady who comes every other week and it's worth every penny.

Night time can make me very anxious. Holly has some nights that she sleeps 4+ hrs straight and then she has some where we are up every 40mins-hour. She spends most of the night grunting and pushing. I pretty much don't sleep. It's only been a month and I am pretty darn exhausted, but I am so grateful for what I have. I know there are much more challenging times ahead of us. I also know there are so many sweet moments to be had

No one ever said this was going to be easy. Having two kids is hard. Like really hard. It's a lot of work... Having two under two is exhausting. I legit have 2 babies... One that is all over the place running into things and one that constantly want to be held and on my boob. I haven't slept in 6weeks. Literally. My eyes have dark circles. I basically look like a large raccoon.  My hair is often dirty. True story, I found 3 day old cottage cheese in my hair last week. One kid is always crying... And sometimes mom is joining the cry fest. I've aged 5 years in under 2 months... I honestly can't wait to be done breastfeeding so that I can get more Botox... Sorry, not sorry! My house looks like Toys R' Us relocated after closing. I usually smell like baby spit up... Or worse. There are just soooo many diapers. I even sometimes wonder if giving up my job was a huge mistake... But then I look at my little beauties... And I engulf myself in their snuggles and forget all about the messy house, dirty hair, and sleepless nights... I never forget about the need for Botox. Lol jk. I am taking this double duty mama thing one day at a time. I am taking all the help I am offered. I am living my best life embracing all these beautiful moments.
Next month we will be spending some time in Florida. I fear the plane ride. Stay tuned. Lol.

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