A Difficult Choice
When I found out I was pregnant with Brynne, my husband and I decided it would be best for me to take a full year of maternity leave with her and head back the next school year. We were just so excited and it wasn't an easy road to get her, so I wanted to just enjoy her as much as I could. We looked at our finances and he was sure we would manage just fine for a year. Little did he know we would end up making a huge move halfway through. After the move to our new home, he made sure to let me know that I needed to return to work the following year so that we could live more comfortably. I was totally fine with that. It was my plan all along. I was so happy to have stayed home with Brynne that I was more than willing and glad to go back until our next baby. Our plan was for me to work another full year, get pregnant, and take one more full year off. We all know things don't always go as planned. Upon finding out I was pregnant in April, I knew this could jeopardize my career.
In my teaching job we are given FMLA after working for 10 months... Or a certain amount of hours. We receive 6 weeks paid for vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for c-section. We also can use 3 months unpaid for bonding time or take a full year unpaid. Upon calling HR, I was told my options were to return to work in the fall, take my 8 weeks for c-section and immediately return. I would not be eligible for any bonding time. If I chose not to go back at the end of 8 weeks, I would have to resign. these were my only options. I pretty much feel as though I was forced out of my job. There was no way I was going to return to work at 8 weeks with two small babies after major abdominal surgery.
We decided that my best option would be to continue my leave. This meant I would be giving up my position at my school that I love. I have been there for 7 years. I have made good friends and I have good relationships with the students. Sure I spent a lot of time complaining... who doesn't? But in reality, I love my job. I love so many things about working at this school. It was definitely one of the hardest decisions of my life and it wasn't made without many many tears. It was hard to imagine not being a part of this wonderful school community. It killed me to think about all the time and money I have spent in that classroom. Just flushed down the drain.
This was my room, my office, my home away from home. I have so many memories there, good and bad. After my miscarriage I would turn off the lights in my room and sob, if the lights were off, it would deter visitors. I would cry until the very last minute I had to pick up my next group of students. I cried in the staff bathroom numerous times. I would lock the door and splash my face with water and tell myself to get a grip. I couldn't let people know I was still a total mess. I became good at powdering under my eyes to cover up my sorrows. I spent the mornings getting my cries out on my way to work and in the afternoons, I sobbed until I got to the McDonald's by my house because I knew my husband just didn't understand by anguish and I wanted my red tear filled face to be cleared up before I returned home. This is also where I was kept busy enough that my mind wasn't 100% consumed by my loss. This is where my wonderful colleagues would help me get through the worst time in my life.
I spent almost my whole pregnancy with Brynne there. I would sit in my chair during my prep and feel her kick. I would sing to her when my room was empty. Sometimes I would sit at my desk and cry. There was always a dark cloud always looming over. The memory of the loss. It was still so fresh. I didn't know if I would ever meet her. This is the room that I shared hundreds of pictures of my sweet puppy. It's where I shared with my students that I would be having a baby... and their excitement made me cry. They watched my belly grow and asked me a million questions. We even had a little gender reveal. My sweet coworkers threw me a perfect baby shower. I'll miss them so much.
Now here I am. I have given up my position. I still don't know if my baby has Turner Syndrome (see my precious "It's a Girl" post for more information) or not. I still don't know if we will ever meet her. With every kick and bit of movement I feel, I can't help but become attached. I'm half way there. In a perfect world, I will have a healthy baby, enjoy my time with my two girls, and return to work the following school year. I have hopes that my former school will rehire me or I will find myself at a school I learn to love just as much. I try to remain as positive as I can. I have been lucky enough to see many of Brynne's firsts and I am excited to see many of baby number 2's first. We will know more July 24th. Stay tuned.
P.S. MATERNITY LEAVE IN THE UNITED STATES IS LAUGHABLE!! SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE!
In my teaching job we are given FMLA after working for 10 months... Or a certain amount of hours. We receive 6 weeks paid for vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for c-section. We also can use 3 months unpaid for bonding time or take a full year unpaid. Upon calling HR, I was told my options were to return to work in the fall, take my 8 weeks for c-section and immediately return. I would not be eligible for any bonding time. If I chose not to go back at the end of 8 weeks, I would have to resign. these were my only options. I pretty much feel as though I was forced out of my job. There was no way I was going to return to work at 8 weeks with two small babies after major abdominal surgery.
We decided that my best option would be to continue my leave. This meant I would be giving up my position at my school that I love. I have been there for 7 years. I have made good friends and I have good relationships with the students. Sure I spent a lot of time complaining... who doesn't? But in reality, I love my job. I love so many things about working at this school. It was definitely one of the hardest decisions of my life and it wasn't made without many many tears. It was hard to imagine not being a part of this wonderful school community. It killed me to think about all the time and money I have spent in that classroom. Just flushed down the drain.
This was my room, my office, my home away from home. I have so many memories there, good and bad. After my miscarriage I would turn off the lights in my room and sob, if the lights were off, it would deter visitors. I would cry until the very last minute I had to pick up my next group of students. I cried in the staff bathroom numerous times. I would lock the door and splash my face with water and tell myself to get a grip. I couldn't let people know I was still a total mess. I became good at powdering under my eyes to cover up my sorrows. I spent the mornings getting my cries out on my way to work and in the afternoons, I sobbed until I got to the McDonald's by my house because I knew my husband just didn't understand by anguish and I wanted my red tear filled face to be cleared up before I returned home. This is also where I was kept busy enough that my mind wasn't 100% consumed by my loss. This is where my wonderful colleagues would help me get through the worst time in my life.
I spent almost my whole pregnancy with Brynne there. I would sit in my chair during my prep and feel her kick. I would sing to her when my room was empty. Sometimes I would sit at my desk and cry. There was always a dark cloud always looming over. The memory of the loss. It was still so fresh. I didn't know if I would ever meet her. This is the room that I shared hundreds of pictures of my sweet puppy. It's where I shared with my students that I would be having a baby... and their excitement made me cry. They watched my belly grow and asked me a million questions. We even had a little gender reveal. My sweet coworkers threw me a perfect baby shower. I'll miss them so much.
Now here I am. I have given up my position. I still don't know if my baby has Turner Syndrome (see my precious "It's a Girl" post for more information) or not. I still don't know if we will ever meet her. With every kick and bit of movement I feel, I can't help but become attached. I'm half way there. In a perfect world, I will have a healthy baby, enjoy my time with my two girls, and return to work the following school year. I have hopes that my former school will rehire me or I will find myself at a school I learn to love just as much. I try to remain as positive as I can. I have been lucky enough to see many of Brynne's firsts and I am excited to see many of baby number 2's first. We will know more July 24th. Stay tuned.
P.S. MATERNITY LEAVE IN THE UNITED STATES IS LAUGHABLE!! SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE!
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