Life With Brynne: I'll Sleep One Day... Maybe

Well, I guess I will just have to accept the fact that I may never sleep again. That's ok, I've never been a huge sleeper... However, it would be nice.  A mama can dream can't she?

Right off the bat Brynne's sleep was very typical of a breastfed newborn. I slept next to her in the Auto Rock and play. I stared at her breathe all night and seldom dozed off, and when I did, I woke up super startled.

A little before 3 months we transitioned her to her crib. She wasn't a fan. We inserted a Dockatot and voila! She slept like a champ... Because the term sleeping like a baby... We know that is nonsense. Brynne began sleeping 6hrs straight early on. I remember even by 6weeks, she was sleeping nice. By 3 months, maybe even before, we were getting 8-10hours straight. I of course stayed awake anxiously awaiting for her to need me... And she didn't. I would cry staring at the monitor while thinking "my baby is all grown up and doesn't need me anymore." My husband thinks I am a bit looney... And that's fine.

When Brynne started sleeping 8-10hours I didn't know how to feel. I was really happy that she was progressing and sleeping longer, but I missed her all night. I wasn't sleeping any longer. I would still stare at the monitor, doze off for a bit, wake up, stare at the monitor, tiptoe to her room to feel her chest moving, pump... repeat. Yes, I am crazy.

After a couple weeks of her long sleep stretches I decided it was time for me to try to start sleeping. It was glorious. I was waking up ready to conquer the day! And then it just stopped. I mean literally. She decided after more than 2 months of beautiful peaceful sleep, she was ready to become a nocturnal beast... Ok, she is so not a beast. She is like the sweetest little thing ever... But still... Mom and dad were finally catching some Zs and we liked it. Not to mention, she is not a big napper... I get 2-3 naps out of her a day and they range from 20-40mins tops. She once napped for 1.5hrs and I wasn't sure if I should be excited or concerned. Haha

Right around Christmas, she decided that she would gift us with the present of pure exhaustion. I had recently been told I would need knee surgery and I wasn't walking well. Perfect timing. She started waking up every 3-4hrs, sometimes 2. She is a smart little booger. She knows that mommy comes running when she cries. Who wants to hear their beautiful little baby cry? Not me! I decided, very reluctantly, that I would add rice cereal and 1-2oz of formula to her diet. The first day/night it was awesome. She slept 10hrs straight... I of course sobbed over that too.  The next day, she was back to her old antics... So we went back to exclusively breastfeeding.

So for about a month now, Brynne has been playing mommy and daddy for suckers. She knows we don't want to hear her cry. So I would limp over to her crib to change her, feed her, rock her back to sleep... Only for it to happen again just a couple hours later. My husband stepped in when I asked, but I like to do things myself. She was winning. Mom was a total wreck... And still is sometimes, just now I am more used to it. She has some nights that she will do a 6 hour stretch, but she has only had 2 or 3 10hr stretches since mid December.

I had surgery a week ago. It has not been easy. I had arthroscopic knee surgery to remove a small piece of floating bone and to regenerate growth of bone... This involved drilling holes in my femur... Not cool! Taking care of a baby is hard enough... Taking care of a baby while recovering from surgery is the pits... Especially when she doesn't want to sleep.

Earlier this week at her doctors appointment I mentioned to the doctor that this was going on. She said, "let her cry it out." This is what she said last time too. Let my baby cry it out? Scream her head off in sadness and without being comforted? Did she forget that I cry every time she gets her shots? Did she forget that she had to escort me out of the room at her first doctor visit because I was so upset about the shots hurting my baby. I was awarded a red lollipop. How on earth does she think I am going to allow my baby to sob alone in her crib?
I tried it that night... It was f'n awful. I sat there staring at her monitor as she screamed and sobbed as tears burst from her little eyes. She was so upset. I sat there in tears covering my ears and bawling. Every Yelp more heartbreaking than the last. I cried with her the entire 15mins. She cried and I mean screamed bloody freakin murder for 15mins... And then she slept for 8hrs.

Ok, fine it worked this time. We tried it again last night... Nope. Daddy couldn't do it... And mommy didn't stop him. After 15mins of her crying I thought it would be over and she would fall asleep. She did not... And we couldn't handle hearing her. Needless to say, last night was rough.

So as we continue on this journey of sleep or lack there of... We are tired... We are crabby... Our eyes have dark circles, but our hearts are so full and it's all worth it!!




What tips so you have for better sleep? Email your tips and experiences: Kimberlyfeaman@gmail.com I will share some of them on my blog! Happy Friday, and may your baby sleep peacefully and safely through all of your nights! Xo

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