Journey to Baby: Hope after Heartbreak
In August of 2016, a few months after my miscarriage, I started seeing a fertility doctor. That year I had switched my insurance because I thought I would be delivering a full term baby. I was now no longer pregnant and stuck with insurance that none of the recommended fertility doctors would take. I was desperate. So I made an appointment with a doctor. They tested my husband and eliminated him as the issue. Upon testing, I was told I had a low AMH of 0.8 (egg reserve). How could that be? How could I have the egg count of a 40+ year old woman? I was also told that I had an underactive uterus. The doctor said, "Even if you do get pregnant, it won't stick, your best option is IVF."
I left the doctors office crushed and my depression sank to a whole new level. People didn't want to be around me. I was constantly upset, pissed off, withdrawn. Every time someone posted a pregnancy on Facebook I would find myself getting angry, not at their pregnancy, at the lack of my own. Every pregnancy announcement, and there were many, was like a knife to the heart. I didn't want to go out with friends, I didn't want to socialize... it was all very forced. One day while talking to a friend of mine, I started telling her about my experience with the fertility doctor and I was crying. I told her how I had adoption papers. She cut me off. Her voice was stern and serious, "Kim you need to get ahold of yourself, this needs to stop." I was shocked for a minute. "Get a second opinion before you do anything else." For a minute I was mad that she yelled at me and then I realized she was right.
The next day I made an appointment with the doctor that my OBGYN originally wanted me to see who did not accept my insurance. I didn't care about the cost. I took the first available appointment with Vios Fertility Clinic in Wicker Park, which happened to be on Halloween. When I walked in I suddenly felt a feeling of comfort, the women were all dressed up in costumes. The facility was immaculate and beautiful. Brandon and I met with the doctor, Dr. Beltsos and Dr. Graff. Dr. Beltsos was dressed up as a cowgirl and just the sweetest lady. She reminded me so much one of my friends mothers who I adore. This made me feel very calm. The meeting was amazing. The doctors went over everything possible, every option, outcome, and realistic costs. They kept telling me, "when you are pregnant" and "when you deliver." I think they made me believe I could have a baby. I distinctly remember Dr. Graff saying, "I will probably even be there when you deliver your baby." She also worked at the same hospital which I would be delivering at.
Upon leaving, the decision was to start me on clomid at my next period. I signed some "in case of multiples papers." It just all felt so great! Before leaving I said, "I know I am going to get my period in like 2 weeks, but just in the weird event that I don't, what should I do?" Her response was, "If the Cubs can make it to the World Series, anything can happen. Call us right away." I looked at my husband, we both chuckled and left. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't wait to for that dreaded time of the month!
I left the doctors office crushed and my depression sank to a whole new level. People didn't want to be around me. I was constantly upset, pissed off, withdrawn. Every time someone posted a pregnancy on Facebook I would find myself getting angry, not at their pregnancy, at the lack of my own. Every pregnancy announcement, and there were many, was like a knife to the heart. I didn't want to go out with friends, I didn't want to socialize... it was all very forced. One day while talking to a friend of mine, I started telling her about my experience with the fertility doctor and I was crying. I told her how I had adoption papers. She cut me off. Her voice was stern and serious, "Kim you need to get ahold of yourself, this needs to stop." I was shocked for a minute. "Get a second opinion before you do anything else." For a minute I was mad that she yelled at me and then I realized she was right.
The next day I made an appointment with the doctor that my OBGYN originally wanted me to see who did not accept my insurance. I didn't care about the cost. I took the first available appointment with Vios Fertility Clinic in Wicker Park, which happened to be on Halloween. When I walked in I suddenly felt a feeling of comfort, the women were all dressed up in costumes. The facility was immaculate and beautiful. Brandon and I met with the doctor, Dr. Beltsos and Dr. Graff. Dr. Beltsos was dressed up as a cowgirl and just the sweetest lady. She reminded me so much one of my friends mothers who I adore. This made me feel very calm. The meeting was amazing. The doctors went over everything possible, every option, outcome, and realistic costs. They kept telling me, "when you are pregnant" and "when you deliver." I think they made me believe I could have a baby. I distinctly remember Dr. Graff saying, "I will probably even be there when you deliver your baby." She also worked at the same hospital which I would be delivering at.
Upon leaving, the decision was to start me on clomid at my next period. I signed some "in case of multiples papers." It just all felt so great! Before leaving I said, "I know I am going to get my period in like 2 weeks, but just in the weird event that I don't, what should I do?" Her response was, "If the Cubs can make it to the World Series, anything can happen. Call us right away." I looked at my husband, we both chuckled and left. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't wait to for that dreaded time of the month!
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